Comment on Mark Driscoll’s excellent series: The Peasant Princess
I have been listening to a number of Mark Driscoll’s sermons over the last year or so and have grown to respect him as a Bible teacher and a Christian husband and father. I have connected with a number of active members of the Mars Hills church via Twitter and am glad to know these Christian brothers.
The Peasant Princess is Driscoll’s current series on the Song of Solomon. I am also impressed with his wife’s candid responses to questions from many of the women in the congregation. I see real Christianity that works in their lives. That is what the world needs and what God does in hearts fully committed to Him.
Below is his answer to one of the questions sent in and my response:
Question #4: How far can unmarried people go sexually?
This set of posts comes from Pastor Mark Driscoll and his wife Grace. The sermon series The Peasant Princess brought up dozens of questions that they felt they should respond to. The result is this blog series: Christian Sex: Frank Answers to Honest Questions.
Answer: The repeated refrain of the Song of Songs is to not awaken love before its time. Therefore, the issue is not where is the line, but when is the time. The Bible knows nothing of sexual contact of any sort or kind before marriage, as sexual pleasure is reserved for the right person, at the right time, in the right way-which is all in the context of heterosexual covenantal marriage. The NIV translation of Ephesians 5:3 says, But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
In 1 Corinthians 7:1 Paul tells single men that they should not touch any woman in any sexual manner. Also, in 1 Timothy 5:1-2, men are encouraged to treat young women as sisters. Thus, since brothers and sisters can and do talk, serve together, enjoy one another’s company, etc., there are acceptable non-sexual ways for single Christians to build their relationship in pursuit of marriage. Lastly, in asking how far one can go, there is sin in the heart because the motive is to get as close to sin as possible rather than getting as close to Jesus as possible. The issue is not where is the line, but rather where is your heart and when is the time. That time is marriage.
My Response:
(3 November 2008) You have submitted this response, thanks:
I understand and agree with this answer. As the father of four daughters, I subscribe to the:
Head first (Think about and study what you are looking for in a Christian husband or wife and which guys/girls exhibit those qualities. Get to know the Lord and lots of different people so you can discern these qualities).
Heart next (When you find someone who seems to have those qualities, let your family help you explore a relationship that helps you get to know that person better (when you’re 25 of course 
save the Hands for marriage.
The world at it’s best teaches heart, hands then maybe head, or if you’re in college: hands and maybe heart & head later.
I would love to hear you and Grace give a more complete answer about the effects of the physical relationship and the heart. Including specifics about being alone together, holding hands and kissing. I think some single young people will be left wondering…”OK, so what should we do physically…” Is anything that I wouldn’t do with my sister wrong? That isn’t, the point, as you said: Where is your heart?